Of Alcohol and Stolen Puppies
by Smartasswolf23
Summary: Three senseis learn the hard way not to half-ass their mission reports when they are told to go get three drunk kunoichis.


Summary: The senseis learn the hard way not to half-ass their mission reports when Tsunade sends them to get three drunk kunoichis.

I don't own anything put the little plot bunny that jumped into my head last night that told me to write this. Special thanks to Varmint for being an amazing beta and letting me bounce ideas!

Read and Review!

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Tsunade glared at the three Jōnin sensei in front of her. She was sick and tired of them leaving their reports half finished, or with one line answers. Her eyes softened and her mouth quirked upwards as she thought of the perfect punishment for the men standing in front of her.

"I need you all to go get Sakura, Ino, and Tenten. If I'm not mistaken they are at Tenten's apartment." She told them, raising an eyebrow, daring them to try and argue with her.

Sure, they had just spent the better part of an hour getting bitched at for their reports. The three men nodded, and figured that they were getting off easy if all they had to do was go get their students.

They all teleported away, and let Guy lead them to the apartment. It wasn't unusual for a sensei to know where their students lived, after all.

They should have known something was horribly wrong when Tsunade sent them to fetch the kunoichi. The three sensei could hear loud laughter coming from the apartment. Unfortunately for them, hindsight is only 20/20.

Guy decided to see if the door was unlocked, and was surprised to find that it was. Usually Tenten did not leave her apartment open for anyone to get into. Like most sensible shinobi, she didn't like the idea of unwanted visitors entering her domain.

Once the door was opened and the three stepped into the apartment, they realized their mistake when they saw various bottles of alcohol strewn throughout the room and a bowl that was a quarter of the way filled with gummy bears. All the girls looked at them with their cheeks a light hue of red.

However, they only had a moment before a flash of blonde and purple was hurdling herself at the copy nin. Her legs wrapped tightly around his hips with her feet crossing on the small of his back, and her arms wound themselves around his neck. "Hiiii," the girl slurred as she rested her head against his shoulder.

Kakashi suddenly found his arms full with Ino. He looked towards Asuma, wondering what in the hell to do. The silver haired man could smell the alcohol on her. "Umm, hi;" he managed to make out nervously; he was truly out of his depth with this one.

Asuma looked at his female student like she had grown a second head. Shaking his head, he realized that she was drunk off her ass. "Ino, how much have you had to drink?" He asked, curious if he needed to have a conversation about having limits on alcohol when she was sober.

"Don't eat the gummy bears." Was the reply as the girl moved her head to snuggle into Kakashi's neck.

"Why don't we want to eat the gummy bears, youthful flower?" Guy questioned, looking towards the bowl of gummy bears.

"We soaked them in vodka." The blonde breathed out, content from her position on her best friend's sensei.

Tenten decided then to remind them that there were two other girls present as well, "Then we added rum."

"Then more vodka." There was the pink-haired medic sizing Guy up.

"Then more rum." Tenten reminded the girls.

The three Jōnin jumped when all the girls decided to yell at the same time, "WHY IS THE RUM GONE?" Before dissolving into fits of laughter.

"Ino, let go of Kakashi;" Asuma ordered the girl as he stalked over to them. There was no way in hell that pervert was going to corrupt his innocent angel.

"Nu uh," she giggled against Kakashi as she held on tighter.

"Ino," Asuma warned the girl as he grabbed onto her sides to try and pry her off the Copy nin.

"Nu uh, he's warm." Ino muttered, keeping her legs and arms locked so she wouldn't be pried off so easily.

Asuma however, was not impressed by this. And fortunately, he knew exactly how ticklish she was. Deciding that maybe tickling her would get her to let go; he ran his fingers lightly up and down her sides. She giggled and then started to squirm against the masked man to get away from her own sensei.

"Stop tickling her!" Kakashi shouted out as she kept squirming in his arms. That was not conducive to making her let go and it only succeeded in making him have even more of an issue, _especially_ when she moved her hips like that.

"Hey, I wanna fight you!" Sakura all but shouted at Guy while pointing a finger at him and swaying on her feet. Effectively, she took the attention off Kakashi and Ino.

"Uhhh, why youthful flower?" Guy asked, wondering if he had insulted the girl at some point in the past.

"Cause I'm the bestest in the world! And I'm gonna prove it by kickin' your ass!" Sakura proclaimed as she tried to punch the jōnin. He merely side stepped her and looked at Asuma for help.

Unfortunately, the dodge had made Sakura almost run into Kakashi and Ino. However, the copy nin was quick on his feet and moved out of the way of his student... And ended up pinning Ino to a wall.

That was _not_ what he had wanted to do.

"Exhibitionist?" The blonde purred as she wiggled slightly and ran her hands through his hair.

Kakashi's uncovered eye widened and he could feel the tips of his ears steadily turning redder at what the blonde vixen in his arms was doing. Hastily he removed them from the wall and stepped a few steps backwards so they were back to standing in the entry way to the living room area.

"God dammit. Somebody get this blonde octopus off me!" Kakashi grumbled, as he tried to pry her off his body. He knew that it was an exercise in futility though. Since Guy was busy dodging Sakura while simultaneously keeping her from breaking anything and Asuma was about to realize that Tenten had just stolen his chakra blades.

"Tentacles. I knew you would have some kinks, but that is kinky." Ino slurred against his throat while she kept petting his hair. He could feel his ears turning redder by the minute.

Before Asuma could get involved, he suddenly found himself facing Tenten as she twirled his chakra blades in her hands. 'When the fuck did she get those?' Asuma questioned, he hadn't even felt anyone near him or picked up on the fact that they were gone.

"Oooh, chakra blades. You know you can do some real damage with these? You can sever the tendons that run in the knee, so your opponent can't move." Tenten said, eyes lit up brightly as she twirled the weapons in her hands.

"Tenten, I know exactly what they can do. I use them. Please give them back," Asuma asked the girl, with his hands raised in a placating gesture. Of course, he'd get stuck with the crazed weapons mistress.

"Nooo. You don't understand. I can shoooowwww you." Tenten slurred out with a sadistic smile, as she stepped towards the cigarette smoking sensei.

For each step Tenten took forward, Asuma took one back; suddenly finding himself very afraid for his life. He almost tripped over Sakura as she kept trying to fight Guy.

"I wanna pet a puppy!" Ino whined against Kakashi's throat, the man's hair was just not soft enough for her.

Kakashi glared down at the blonde with a frown tugging at his lips. If she thought for one second, he would summon his pack and subject them to this torture, she was out of her damn mind.

"Ooon it." Tenten slurred out before jumping out of the window.

Leaving three bewildered teachers until the sounds of a fight could be heard from down below. "Dammit Tenten, give me back Akamaru's puppy!" Kiba shouted at the crazed weapons mistress. Then there were more sounds of struggling and punches being thrown.

As the men were stuck blinking at the sounds of the fighting, they all truly regretted having followed Tsunade's orders. These girls were not worth the trouble.

"Catch me!" Suddenly she screamed out in triumph, only for Kiba to shout at her to come back. Apparently, she had taken a ball of white fur in her arms and tried to disappear into the night.

"Go get her." Kakashi growled out to Asuma, really this shit was getting out of hand. In what life had he fucked up this badly as to deserve dealing with these three drunk?

"You were a bad shinobi." Ino half whispered in his ear, making him cringe before wondering if she had read his mind or if he had simply spoken aloud.

"Tsunade only sends the bad shinobi to get us when she knows we've been drinking. But shhh, it's a secret." She told him as she put a finger over his mouth- well it was more like his cheek- before breaking down into a fit of giggles.

So, this was the punishment for not filling out mission reports properly? Kakashi could feel a migraine coming on but thankfully they had two out of the three pretty much subdued at this point.

Guy had the palm of his hand on Sakura's forehead as he simply held her at arm's distance from him while she kept swinging her arms in a motion that looked a lot like a windmill. Unfortunately, Kakashi didn't really have that option since the blonde had decided to glue herself to him when they walked through the doors.

Asuma appeared five minutes later, with Tenten thrown over his shoulder, looking ragged. She had probably gotten caught in some sort of trap. However, the puppy was still in her arms, and as they passed Ino and Kakashi; Ino let go of Kakashi's neck and leaned back to accept the puppy from Tenten.

The copy nin quickly wrapped his arms around her lower back to prevent her from falling. And then he realized exactly how wrong this would position look to the others. He just hoped to God that Asuma would not feel like telling Inoichi anything about tonight. He really did not want to be killed by her father tomorrow.

"Oooh, did you know that in this position I could kill you in like 10 different ways?" Tenten asked the man whose shoulder she had been thrown over... Maybe he'd let her _show_ him.

"Then you're not being creative enough." Asuma grumbled, seriously wanting a cigarette at this point. But decided it was probably best to not smoke inside of her house. He did not want to know if she would kill him or not. His eyes were still on Ino and Kakashi, making sure the elder did not put his hands anywhere that would be unacceptable.

Ino pulled herself back up and almost flush to his chest but couldn't quite mold herself to his physique, since the puppy was now in between the two. Even the Sharigan wielder could admit, it was a cute puppy. And thankfully, creating a little bit of space between him and her. She still looped one arm back around his neck, as she used the other to pet the puppy.

The puppy however, decided it did not want to be in her arms anymore and jumped down to the ground. It did the first smart thing out of all the males present, it ran out the open door.

Ino pouted at the loss of the puppy, but quickly got over it and remolded herself to Kakashi, while the man was cursing the dog for leaving. Deciding that it had gone out of hand for long enough, Kakashi shouted to the other two men; "Teleport them!"

The three girls were disoriented from the quick teleportation. Kakashi used that to his advantage and threw the blonde onto the couch in the office.

"Packages delivered." Was the only phrase uttered by the men before they quickly teleported away.

Once the smoke had cleared, the three girls plus Shizune and Tsunade were in the office. Four out of five, turned to look at the younger blonde who was righting herself on the couch.

"They're long gone." Ino confirmed after doing a quick search for their chakra signatures in the building.

Then all the women burst out laughing. Tsunade couldn't believe that would work, and in between laughter, asked "Did the message get delivered?"

"Yes. I don't think they will be half-assing any reports anytime soon." Ino reported as she went to stand in between Tenten and Sakura. "Though I never thought I could get the pervert sensei to blush like that!"

"What exactly did you do?" Shizune asked, curious as how the young blonde managed to make that happen.

"We have the video if you'd rather watch." Tenten offered, they had set up a camera ahead of time just to see what the reactions the senseis would have.

"Pig, I still can't believe you jumped on my sensei!" Sakura exclaimed, as she looked at her best friend incredulously.

"Shut it forehead! Let them see the video!" Ino shouted back, before the girls broke down into giggles again.

"Let's go! I wanna see this video myself." Tsunade told the girls, as she stood up from her desk.

As they trekked out of the tower and into the street, the group of women saw a lone figure standing a few feet away from them; holding an adorable ball of white fur.

"Thanks for the help Kiba!" Tenten shouted to the boy to get his attention, since his back was turned to the group.

Kiba turned around and smiled at the girls, he was always game for fucking with other people. "How much chaos did you all cause?"

"Enough to get the point across." Ino answered him with a flip of her hair.

As the girls walked past Kiba, each turned and gave him a kiss on the cheek, for helping them out; making the dog nin turn bright red.

"Now who's up for alcoholic gummy bears?" Tenten asked the group once they were out of earshot of Kiba.

A chorus of agreement rang out from the group as they headed back to the apartment to watch the video that would more than likely be used as blackmail later.

* * *

Across the village in a bar, three Jōnin sensei sat on stools next to each other. "So, who wants to forget tonight ever happened and never fill out another half-assed report again?" Asuma asked the other two before downing his drink.

The other two agreed and quickly finished their drinks, before Kakashi signaled for another round.


End file.
